On pain and grieving: a poem

By Hillary

A cellar door opens slowly;

Sliver of Light shines in

The dust settles.

I breathe deep

And greet what I've long shut in; shoved down.

Hello, Pain.

 

My breath catches in my throat

Fight or flight kicks in;

I consider fleeing...

He squeezes my hand, reminds me.

 

Jesus.

This is what You came for.

 

You never let go.

You don't patronize me

In my pain

My groaning, my inner agony turned outward grieving.

When those hurts I've kept under lockdown are spoken of; spoken about; spoken to; allowed out into the light.

You don't patronize me Jesus.

Forgive me for thinking You do.

 

Patronizing is disconnect;

Pat answers; "there there" without really being there.

It's a "catch up, already!" mentality

A hurriedness, impatience

Rather than a coming alongside

Sitting

Being with me.

Being among Your people.

 

You don't patronize me.

 

When Lazarus died, You WEPT.

It wasn't for good show

You're not a drama queen.

It was because at the core of it all; I PICTURE that core

See it; don't deny it

There was loss

Pain, heartbreak

Emptiness.

 

You can't get around emptiness, but you can fill it.

You, Jesus, can fill it.

And you did.

With Lazarus, You wept.

You didn't leave, scold, pity, check out

You wept. You stood. You spoke.

Lazarus, come forth!

 

Death before resurrection

That's the cycle; the schedule of events In life, inwardly and outwardly

To die so that we might live.

Acknowledge death

Sit in the dark with it 3 days, 3 nights

Passover the pain no more

And on the final day

Leave the grave clothes and grieving behind

And embrace Life.

 

You don't hurry me, Jesus.

You sit with me.

You weep with me.

And then you stand.

 

You say in a loud voice,

Come forth.

Be filled with Life abundant.

Hillary, come forth.

 

Redemption is always a miracle;

A changing of what couldn't be into what could.

Defying physics, intellect, understanding, human belief.

 

Redemption is what You do, Jesus.

Only You can fill the emptiness; bring Life to death.

You sit, you weep, you rise, and you redeem.